In relation to my last blog post, my older daughter had a performance at school the other day where her class was to sing in front of the school as they hosted the church service that day. I got there early to get a good seat .  Well, as I looked back at the entrance to the church, I saw my daughter upset.  I know the face.  I got up to see what was wrong, and she said her stomach hurt.  This was a pretty clear case of anxiety and stage fright.  Now, my daughter has done things like this before, but for some reason, this was not setting well with her.  Even though she’s the “older” child, she’s by far the more “cautious” and calculated.  She’ll let her little sister lead the way (similar to the kings taster. . if it doesn’t kill the taster, then it’s safe for the king to try).  Well, her teacher saw her crying with me and saying that she didn’t want to go up there.  The teacher obliged her and let my daughter sit with her and watch the performance.

Afterwards, her stomach may have felt much better, but her pride did not. As the crowd recessed from the church, my wife took my daughter aside to talk to her about what she was feeling.  She explained that weather it was an upset stomach, or simply nerves about performing in front of everyone, it was totally understandable and ok.

I was able to catch this vulnerable and comforting moment.

Who’s right and who’s wrong?

My daughter has a project from school that is obviously beyond her 7 year old capabilities.

Now, she can certainly “do” the project, but when other kids show up with suspiciously polished presentations (cough, *parents*, cough), do you help your child so as to compete with the other children?

Or is it that we , as parents, are competing with other parents?

So, is it wrong that the teachers assign projects that are too advanced, or is it wrong that we feel we need to make it great instead of letting our children complete it themselves even if it’s not going to look spectacular?

All I can say is “Thank God” I (and my kids) have my wife.

The project was to make a doll that reflects part of your heritage.  With my wife’s family from Portugal, she embarked in the “helping” of the doll creation.

As you can see, she would pass 2nd grade with FLYING COLORS.

I’ve shot too many weddings where people who are less than eloquent have been chosen to be “best men” or “maid’s of honor”.

I suppose you can’t pick your friends based on their speaking ability, but it would come in handy when that moment comes that the spotlight is on them representing you on one of your most special days.

The WORST is when someone who was not “appointed” decides that he or she is going to “honor” you by giving a speech of their own.

I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced this, but I began to get so embarrassed, as if I was dropped in this room full of people completely naked.

I’ve actually caught myself looking through the lens, not surveying what else was going on in the room, not taking a single photo, as if to “hide” my giant body behind that little box that captures photographs. Maybe if I don’t move, or make a sound, nobody will see me. But wait, this isn’t about me.

Then the person giving the speech tries to be “funny”. . . it’s as if the guests were watching an execution. Like watching a car accident, I can’t seem to turn away . . . a little sick, a little scared, but so curious.  The introduction of “the joke” seems to be the sure sign that alcohol is involved.

Then it hits me . . . (my inner voice) “my photographs don’t capture sound!”.  I have the benefit to shut this person’s mouth in the photographs that I deliver. If I can get a great image, I may actually be able to SAVE this person. It’s a huge challenge, but that’s part of the fun too (after the color comes back in my face).

Then there are those people, COMPLETE STRANGERS, that are so well spoken, so clever, and so heartfelt, that they move you to tears. I swear, there have been a handful of times (out of 100 + weddings) , where I have welled up from listening to this person I have met that day, and maybe had a few interactions with, move me so much, it makes me think about my own life. It’s an incredible skill, and the lucky Bride or Groom hit the toaster lottery.

Here’s to the great toasters!

Being a parent, I find that most of what makes me think, is watching my girls find their way.  My youngest daughter, who I’ve mentioned before, has an incredible will.  She will not let fear beat her.

She went on a play date with her friend and her friends mom.  They went to a rock climbing gym.  The mom assured my little girl that she didn’t have to do it if she didn’t want to.  I can certainly say, she was scared.  But being scared makes my little one angry that she’s IS scared (I wish I was more like her).  So what does she do?  Harnesses up, and beings to try and find her footing.

She first went up a few “rocks” , and then came down (repelling like she’s done it for years).  She went up a second time, and went up even higher, third time, higher, until reality set in and she realized just how high up she was.

I learn so much everyday from my kids, and they have no idea that I too am just trying to find my own footing.

Taking a walk with my daughter’s, I was pretty amazed at all the colors.

It’s no Vermont, I know, but really quite gorgeous.

Soon, there will be no leaves on the trees, so I was glad I could have that time

to appreciate it with my kids.

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What do you do when your child is scared to do something that you know isn’t scary and is even good for them?  I suppose the answer is “you make them do it”.  This weekend , my little girl went for her first ice skating lesson (yes, even in California there are places to ice skate).  Sure there is the potential to fall and get bumps and bruises, but overall, not a dangerous activity.  But she was scared.  She made it out onto the ice, but couldn’t move an inch.  She caught my eye and started crying.  She wanted my help.  Well, there is no worse feeling than looking back at your sweet little girl and saying “you’ll be great”, and then turning away so as not to make more eye contact.  I know it was good for her, and I KNEW she would end up loving it.  But those moments stick with you for a long time.  If it had gone bad, and she didn’t rise to the occasion, would she look at me always and say “my dad didn’t help me when I needed it” ?  The job of a parent is really challenging, as any parent knows, but those internal struggles are even more difficult than the daily physical ones.  Needless to say, she lived up to her name and not only was able to do it on her own, but another little girl came up to her and asked MY daughter for help.  Another proud moment in the day in the life of being a parent.  Way to go E ! 

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Forget limo’s, horse drawn carriages. . . leaving your wedding in a classic Impala says, we’re married in style!  So many people take their weddings so seriously.  Although it’s a serious commitment, it’s supposed to be fun and a celebration of the two people .  I love when couples have fun with their weddings.  Not only is it more realistic, but it takes some of the pressure off.  The best advice the priest that married my wife and I (side note, and speaking of “style”, the first time I met him he pulled up on his Harley) was that whatever happens, right or wrong, pretend it was supposed to happen.  Nobody will be the wiser.  I’ve kind of vered off a bit on a tangent, but the point I was making that being married in style isn’t just about the wheels. . .it’s about the attitude.

 So, like usual, we gather at family’s house for Thanksgiving dinner.   This year, we had an extra guest.  This cat (who’s name is now Smokey) found a spot near the action and was happy watching us the whole night.  Maybe he was looking to get some scraps, but he hung out til the last guest left.  .  .

Well, I’m not sure if this perfectly portrays “shy”, but there are times when people just don’t want their picture taken. No matter what you look like, pretty, ugly, tall, short, good hair day, bad hair day (no hair day), people have a view of themselves that is often not the same view as others have of them. Last night, out with the girls and friends, I wanted to take a picture of my friend. Whenever I pointed the camera her way (even in “stealth mode”), I got the blocking of the face, or turning away. She was too aware of me. There was nothing I was going to do or say to get her to look at me. I’m not a fan of “posed” shots anyway. The candid photograph far better represents the person’s look than when they are posing for the camera. No matter if you’re the biggest ham in the world, the fact of knowing your picture is taken makes your face not your face any longer. Often times, even if a person is “good” at posing/smiling, there is an immeasurable essence missing. Well, don’t tell her, but I did get a nice one of her watching her daughter that she wasn’t aware of.  This one is not that one, however,  my friend, I think you’re “#1″ too.